American Dream

American Dream

The American dream does not equal having a baby out of wedlock at the age of 20, I thought to myself as I bit my fingernails and played with my hair at the examining table. The hand I was holding was not the boy’s I thought I was in love with or my father’s, who I thought would always be there for me. Not those hands, but my mother’s hand, squeezing mine in hers.

“Well, sweetie, looks like you’re having a healthy baby girl,” said Dr. Galusha, anxiously holding the results in her hands.

A baby girl! Can I still get an abortion four months into pregnancy? How am I going to afford daycare, diapers, medicine, clothes, a crib, a stroller, and whatever else I need to raise a baby? How will I ever finish school? How am I going to tell the boy I thought I was in love with about this little girl? He’ll probably drop me fast. Then how will I ever get a husband or even boyfriend with a child? How will I ever pursue my dream of becoming a doctor with a little girl that needs my time, attention, and energy?

***

5 months later:

“AAAAAAHHHH!!!!”

“Practice your breathing, Emily. HE-HE-O, HE-HE-O, HE-HE-O. And one last push. Come on, Em, you can do it”.

And there she was, Ella. Time stood still. The most precious blessing ever. Little miracle. 10 little fingers and 10 little toes, perfectly normal. How did I ever doubt myself? As I looked into her eyes, I knew this was real and I would have a hard life ahead of me. But she was worth it.

I held her close to my body and rocked her back and forth, soothing her crying and soothing my soul. I held her little hand, squeezing hers in mine.

***

20 years later:

“Well, sweetie, looks like you will be having a healthy little girl,” I said to my first patient, a 15 year old girl having a baby out of wedlock.

She was biting her nails and playing with her hair, so I took her hand and squeezed it in mine. And there it was, the most precious blessing ever, little miracle and maybe someone’s American dream: a beautiful baby girl.

By: Cassie Oliver